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| COMMYWAY BLOG | ABOUT FMCP | ISSUE: APRIL15,2005 |
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THE COMMYWARE STORE
Our favorite alleged commy plots. |
NEW PLAN TO FIGHT GLOBAL WARMING From the FMCP news service
Washington--Wednesday, the Bush administration put forth a new strategy to alleviate global warming. Rather than focusing on lowering emissions of CO2, which is not considered a pollutant by the EPA, the U.S. will embark upon an ambitious program to revolutionize air conditioning technology. In addition to giving tax credits to home and business owners who purchase new high efficiency air conditioners, the government will spend $5 billion to help develop a revolutionary air conditioning technology. The new plan forsees large wind and solar powered air cooling units which are to be placed in strategic hot spots. Most of the units would be placed in "cooling zones" in northern states such as Alaska where the impact of global warming poses the greatest threat to the envirionment. A spokesman for the American Industrial Protection Council, which has criticized the Kyoto Protocol, praised the new program and stated that it would create a new industry and provide jobs for thousands of Mexicans. |
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KLOPSTOCKIA STOPS GUN SHOW From the FMCP news service
Tampa--Gun buyers in Tampa Fl. were surprized this morning when they went to the Great Southern Gun Show. It wasn't there. Just empty tables. Overnight, all of the weapons had been reloaded onto trucks and driven into the ocean. Furthermore, Jacob Priestly, the operator of the event could not be found and is feared to have been kidnapped by special forces units of the Klopstockian army. It is rumored that Priestly is being held as an enemy combatant untill the end of hostilities. Officials with the Florida National Guard, which was mobilized last week after Klopstockian President W.C. Fields threatened to end Florida's well documented selling of AR-15s to terrorists, were unable to explain how a third rate military power could penetrate the National Guard's security perimeter. But confidential sources within the Guard said that everyone here had forgotten that Klopstockia, a nation populated by near superhuman atheletes, had won the 1932 Olympics. The ability of the people of Klopstockia to achieve the near impossible should not be underestimated. SEE PREVIOUS STORY
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LIBERTARIAN PARTY ENDS UNIFICATION TALKS WITH FMCP From the FMCP news service
Memphis, Tn.--Unification talks broke down last night between the Free Market Communist Party and the American Libertarian Party over the issue of universal capitalism. A spokesman for FMCP told reporters that the Libertarians were afraid that proposals to establish universal capitalism would take away the sacred freedom to be poor. The spokesman said that his party had tried to dispel those fears by pointing out that people could still choose to be poor by dropping out of society and not filling out the necessary paperwork. The Libertarians have not accepted that arguement, insisting that people should be free to work and still be poor. In related news, members of the Republican and Democratic Parties met over the weekend to discuss the political problems presented by the Free Market Communist Party. Both Democrats and Republicans fear that FMCP is potentially the ultimate BIG TENT PARTY. The parties, especially the Republicans, are also concerned by reports that members of FMCP have infiltrated their organizations on the leadership level. The two parties have pledged to work together in a rare show of unity to squash the upstart FMCP. |
